Last Thoughts
by PureElement
Summary: Kel is dying and these are her last thoughts. Oneshot. Story a lot better than summary, please read. Okay, this is now a series of sad and angsty oneshots. If you liked the first one, then keep reading!
1. Chapter 1

**All right, this is a oneshot about Kel. It's after she gets knighted. She gets a disease like cancer or something. I wrote when I was really moody, but it turned out really good. DON'T READ IF EASILY DISTURBED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Now, onto the story.**

LAST THOUGHTS

I can't move without pain. I can only lie here and wait for my impending doom. I don't care about anything now, all I can think about is the pain. The dull aching pain that spreads through my body, torturing it. It's there both when I move and when I don't.

My head feels as though it had been stuffed with cotton, filled to the top with the fluffy substance. My mind is blurry. I find it hard to believe that this will end. My mother sits at my side, telling me to have patience, to hold on a bit longer. I long to tell her, that I have held on long enough, no, _more_ than enough. That I will die, no matter what. But, when I look into her shining, loving, caring eyes, I feel all those thoughts washed away with guilt. She loves me and wishes for my suffering to end, but still wants for me to live, to breathe, to speak to her once again.

I make the gesture that tells her that I want water. The small movement, makes me wish to cry, but I don't. My tears, will only hurt her more. I want for her to know that I will always love her, no matter what, I open my mouth to tell her, but no sound comes out.

I remember when I could still speak, when there was no pain eating away at my spirit. It seems so long ago now, though it is only little over a year. I used to run around the house, playing games with my siblings. I used to sit with my family, thinking that the happiness would never end. But it did, and now I wait for the death that approaches me, coming closer to me with each passing day, hour and minute.

My mother has now left, being replaced by my older brother, as she leaves to get some rest.

"Hang in there a little longer." he says. I try my hardest to nod, but find myself overcome by the pain. Tears start to stream out of my eyes, I can feel their warm dampness on my cheek. With my brother I can cry, he understands. He knows that the pain is hell. I take a deep breath, grimacing at the stabbing feeling that erupts in my chest.

"I'll talk to her tonight." he tells me. He is going to speak to mother, try to make her understand, that I cannot continue like this. I am no longer a person, I'm just a shell of the happy, rebellious child I used to be. I am a broken spirit, stuck between the world of the living, and that of the deceased.

My brother stays with me through the day, protecting me, comforting me. As I see the sun start to go down, he leaves, closing the door behind him. I am all alone, if only for a few minutes, I am alone. I hear their voices through the wall They go back and forth for a while. How long? I don't know, I have no way of telling.

The door opens and there stands my family, my mother, my father, my two brothers and my sister. My mother walks up to me, gently taking my hand in hers, as she rests at the edge of my bed. I look at her, noticing the tears that fill her eyes. She stares back, her face somber.

"I love you, my dear. I love you." she tells me. I can see it in her eyes, she's letting me go. Allowing me permission to leave this world and the suffering behind. Slowly one by one, everyone in my family says good-bye.

Throughout the night, the stay in the room, holding vigil over me. As sunrise approaches, I feel death much closer than I have ever felt it before. My breath starts to slip away, and my body becomes numb. I can no longer feel any pain. I am no longer suffering. As my heart slowly stops beating, I am happy.

I understand it now, more than I ever did before, death can be a wonderful thing.

**Thank you for reading! Now please hit that blue review button and tell me what you think of it!! **


	2. AN Author

**A/N- **Hi, thanks for the reviews so far.

To _Echo_, see I had originally written this for fun (while I was sad, writing works as a good outlet), anyway, I decided to make it Kel and post it. So it's kinda an **A/U** (alternate universe), so maybe, she never met Neal and Alanna or Raoul, I don't really know, you decide.

To _I live Life by My Own Rules_, thank you for the support. Yes, I'll try and review.

To _Harley Quinn Davidson_, thanks a ton for your review on my other story 'Queen of the Deadly Rose' and this one.

To everyone, I'm thinking of making this into a series of oneshots, of people's deaths or losses or just sad moments. And then I might make one of happy times and moment. Life's so full of both, that you can't just concentrate on one.

Thank you, once again.

PureElement

My Immortal – Evanescence

_I'm so tired of being here  
Suppressed by all my childish fears  
And if you have to leave  
I wish that you would just leave  
'Cause your presence still lingers here  
And it won't leave me alone_

_These wounds won't seem to heal  
This pain is just too real  
There's just too much that time cannot erase_

_When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears  
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears  
And I held your hand through all of these years  
But you still have  
All of me_

_You used to captivate me  
By your resonating light  
Now I'm bound by the life you left behind  
Your face it haunts  
My once pleasant dreams  
Your voice it chased away  
All the sanity in me_

_These wounds won't seem to heal  
This pain is just too real  
There's just too much that time cannot erase  
_

_When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears  
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears  
And I held your hand through all of these years  
But you still have  
All of me_

_I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone  
But though you're still with me  
I've been alone all along_

_When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears  
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears  
And I held your hand through all of these years  
But you still have  
All of me_


	3. Chapter 3

**Alright, this is from George's point of view. Alanna's dead and he's thinking about her. If you can't stand sadness, LEAVE NOW! For those of you who can stand it, enjoy (as much as you can, when it's a death fic).**

He couldn't believe it. It wasn't true. No, none of it was true. Alanna, the love of his life, was going to walk through those doors any minute. She'd come in, ranting about something, then she'd change and crawl into her side of the bed.

They'd talk, as usual. Talk about Thom and Alan and Aly. About the old days, when he was still the Rouge and she was still a page or squire. They would talk until it was late, and eventually Alanna's eyes would start to close and he would kiss her on the forehead and wrap his arm around her waist, telling her to get some sleep.

He waited and waited for her to come, but she didn't. He knew she wouldn't. After all, she was dead.

Killed in combat against the Scanran's. Stabbed in the stomach, she hadn't stood a chance. When she came home, her face pale and serene against the fiery red of her hair, it had been like a knife in his heart.

He had moved through the next few days in a numb, uncaring state. Preparing the funeral, writing to tell Aly that her mother was no more. Thom and Alan had arrived the following day, wishing to be with their father, during his tremendous grief.

The funeral had been that morning. The entire country was quiet as the temple and city bells tolled the Lioness's death. He had cried then, the slow tears leaking down his face, betraying his stony image.

Looking up he saw their friends. Jon, Thayet, Raoul, Gary, Daine, Numair, Kel, Neal and others. The only person missing was Alianne. Being in the Copper Isles, she probably didn't even know that Alanna was dead yet. His heart went out to his daughter. She and her mother hadn't been the closest, but they had loved each other dearly.

Now he sat in a chair looking out over Pirates Swoop. It was raining outside, the drops hitting the window in a comforting way. He touched the glass, it was cold, hinting at the winter that was fast approaching.

He smiled slightly. Alanna had always hated the cold.

**There you go. Tell me what you think. PureElement**


	4. Chapter 4

She never knew the world was so bright. The colors of the the trees and birds so amazing. She looked down, the long slice across her chest bled the color of a ruby. She raised her hand to it, the red substance attaching itself to her fingers.

Looking around, the fight still raged around her. She didn't care, she just wanted to look at the world. She'd never seen such beauty.

She felt her energy drain from her body. Felt as she fell off her horse. Felt as her body hit the blood stained earth.

The sounds of battle sounded in her ears. The war cries, the screams of dying men. She waited, knowing that the same fate awaited her. The pain had found her now. A burning sensation that coursed through her body. It was so awful.

Slowly the cries and clashes of metal started to dim. Time slowed and her life flashed in front of her. Her years as page and squire, her loves, her marriage, her two children.

A man ran up, shaking her shoulders. His mouth moved, but she couldn't hear him. His face hovered over hers and she saw green eyes. She looked into them, drowning herself in the intense color. They showed the life of a knight. Sorrow and pain, right next to happiness and joy. They were battle weary, telling everything that he had seen.

He gathered her into his arms, whispering words into her ear. She could neither hear them, nor feel his warm breath as it stirred her sweat soaked hair.

She was tired, she wanted to rest. She closed her eyes gratefully, only to be shaken. She opened them.

The pain was dulling, her breaths shorter. Her body numb. She knew it wasn't long, and she knew she couldn't be saved.

She looked back at the man with green eyes. He was crying. The tears leaving a damp trail. She longed to reach up and wipe them away.

Her breath caught and stopped. The man was sobbing now, hugging her tight. The battle was finished and people were gathering around. Her heart stopped and her eyes closed.

And she never knew the world was so bright.

**As you might have guessed, it is Kel, yet again. The man is Neal. She's much older here, and is married to Dom with two kids. Now hit that blue button and tell me what you think.**


	5. Chapter 5

**Alright, this is Jon's P.O.V. of Alanna dying. It's the same death that I wrote about for George. It's kinda short but, I think it's good. Enjoy!!**

Jon walked through the abandoned halls, the hard heels of his boots clicking on the stone surface. It was night and no one was around to see the king cry.

He was the one that had sent Alanna into battle. He was the one responsible for her death.

His tears dripped slowly off his face. He didn't care. Alanna was dead and he would never see her again.

He'd always loved her, but understood the the fact that she didn't want to be queen. He'd let George take her and though it hurt him, it made him happy to see her with the man she loved.

He came to a tapestry that depicted a battle. In the midst of it all, there stood a ferocious looking knight with red hair, wielding a sword. It was her. The tears ran faster.

"Alanna." he choked out. His voice was strangled and laced with sorrow.

He reached out to touch the figure embroidered onto the cloth. All he touched was thread. He hung is head in defeat and started walking again.

From that moment and from then on, when ever he spoke, or breathed or laughed, it was for Alanna.

For the violet eyes that haunted him.

**There. Tell me what you think!! And don't forget to read my other story, 'Queen of the Deadly Rose'. Reviewers get cookies!! (not really, but I'm going to pretend. PureElement **


	6. Chapter 6

**This is a really sad story. There is suicide involved, so if you don't like that kind of thing, then it's best you leave. If you continue, don't say I didn't warn you.**

* * *

How could I have done that? How could I have betrayed them? I'd always prided myself on being a good friend and never giving in! But, Oh!, the things he tempted me with! 

I wept and begged him to stop it! But he didn't, he just continued tormenting me with my own mind and human greediness. And I gave in. I hate him. No; I don't hate him, he was doing as he was ordered. I hate myself. I wasn't able to control my tongue.

Perhaps, after I die, I will meet my friends again and beg their forgiveness. I just hope it's sooner rather than later.

I run my hand against the white silken sheets on my bed. They feel cool to the touch. The silk reminds me only more of what has passed; of what I now am. A traitor of friends and a queen to those I hate.

He promised jewels and gold. He promised me comfort and warmth for the rest of my days. He did not torture me, there was no need. I was more than willing. For I knew what it was like to be hungry and cold and he promised for me never to feel it again.

I fell at that. I told him everything. He smiled at me and thanked me warmly, I never knew he was kind. And kind he had continued to be. He gives me everything I want, except anything possibly dangerous. I have nothing that I can harm myself with. He loves me, even if I don't love him.

His palace is a prison for me. I grew up in windy, warm grasslands, not this cold, bleak tundra that he cares for so much. I would like nothing more than to break free of it.

I walk over to my window. There is no glass, just a pretty wooden shutter. I know not what magic keeps the room warm, but it's there and I admit that I am slightly thankful for it.

There's a knock on the door and a servant enters the room. As ordered, he stays as I eat, to make sure that I don't attempt to harm myself with the silverware. The meal is good. A tender slice of fresh pheasant marinated with the cooks special recipe sprinkled with rosemary. The rice soup that accompanies it is rich and thick.

After I finish he collects the tray, I smile and thank him. I may bear no kindness for this vile land, but that is no reason to act cruel towards the people who help me. He looks at me with somber eyes, as though he knows my sorrow.

I stare at the door for many long moments after he's left wondering what sort of man he is, if he has a family or if he is alone in the world.

A wink of light catches my eye and I turn to my bed. There, where he sat, is a sharp knife. I spring from my seat and grab it as though I'm afraid that if I don't, it will disappear.

I study the edge of the blade and run my thumb gently along it. It slices straight through the soft skin. I smile bitterly as blood wells from the small wound. Soon I will once again be with my friends and family, and I will finally be rid of this war-ravaged, Spirit-forsaken, cruel world.

Slowly, I bring the knife to my wrist and gently slice it. This time, the blood doesn't come in little drops, it comes fast and runs down my hand to drip off my fingers. I exchange the knife to the other hand and do the same to my left wrist.

I begin to feel faint and for a moment I wonder if I did the right thing, but then everything's quiet and calm. The room starts to blur and I realize for the first time that I'm dying. With the last of my energy, I lay down and bring my arms up to cross them against my chest. Then, I know no more.

I can't believe it happened! I run to her room and dismiss the servants that are gathered around their mistress's body. I slam the door and walk to her side. Her arms are crossed, just like the queen she is. I, the king, married her out of love and selfish greed, and now she lays in front of me dead.

The blood lays on her chest, staining the light blue dress she wears. I kneel beside her and place my hand on her cheek. It's cold. Her light crystal blue eyes stare up at me in death. Taunting me. Blaming me for her fall.

I feel the tears brim and overflow. I lean over her and watch as one of my tears drops on to her perfect face. The face that once was lively, is now pale against her ebony hair. I lower my head and place one last sweet kiss on her frozen lips.

I close her eyes, giving her at last peaceful passage into the next world, before picking up the knife at her side and driving into my own heart. May I rot forever in the darkness of Hell, for loving her and killing her.

**There you go. Please review and tell me what you think. I must admit, when I read after I'd written it, I nearly cried.**

**PureElement**


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